I'm an Empath. Nature is suppose to be my jam. I am suppose to be revitalized by spending quiet time in nature, it is suppose to nourish my soul. It does not.
For the longest time, I said I was an indoor person. Being in nature is as stressful as going to the mall for me, it is so overwhelming. So much outdoor energy. So many bugs.
The bugs are my biggest issue, and I don't even live in a particularly buggy place. But they are attracted to me, flying kinds, crawling kinds, arachnid kinds and the stinging kind. Yellow jackets freak me out the most, and I am always armed with my epi-pen in case one gets murderous.
Usually when I try to spend anytime outdoors, I am quickly chased inside by legions of insects, all coming to say "Hello". Those flying creatures don't even bother with my friends or family, it's all me, all the time. I have been counselled to stay curious in this space, but when the bees and wasps come, I get the hell out of dodge (see the aforementioned epi-pen, which I have had to use).
The issue is, I really do LIKE being in Nature. I love, love, love trees. I feel the energy of the Elementals. I love water and plants. Sunsets and the moon feed my soul. I just don't want to have every bug known on this planet to join me while I am outside.
Autumn is my favourite season, the colours, the smells, the everything. We do it right in Southern Ontario, it lasts for weeks and weeks and we get get a gorgeous, intense display of colour. And so many yellow jackets that I stay inside. Sigh.
I have been struggling with my relationship with Nature for the past few year, and wondering if it is growing into a phobia. But I don't believe in coincidences, so I know there is a lesson for me here. Whenever we go somewhere, the bees and bugs are throwing themselves at me and my head, WHY?
This summer, we spent a short time in Algonquin Park, it was a cool, hazy day and it rained on and off. We were at the Visitor's Centre and I was alone on the outlook and suddenly I was able to communicate with the spirits of the old, old trees.
They were wise and gentle and had an almost child-like innocence to them. They told me that I was suppose to spend time in Nature, as much as I could. I explained about the bugs, bees and wasps and they said those things were so attracted to my energy, they could not get enough. I said it was too much for me, that I was completely overwhelmed. So they suggested I work with the Elementals. It was a beautiful experience and I am so grateful to them.
Since I have been home, I've been trying to work with the elementals, including the Fae, when I go out, I ask for protection, but I guess I need to be doing more. I need to research how to honour them and work with them. I was trying to clean up the backyard (2 dogs!) last night at dusk and kept getting chased in by wasps.
If you have any suggestions or recommendations, I would love to hear them. I want to love nature again.